Just fell off a train. Bad.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
