can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize