Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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