why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
