do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
