It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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