i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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