I heard we made out
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
