it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
