matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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