I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
