Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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