Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
