You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
