I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize