Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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