i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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