I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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