woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your penis caused this!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
