Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So here I am, sexting at work.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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