I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
