Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drake has all the answers
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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