You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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