Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
