Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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