No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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