It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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