Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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