I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My vagina is officially offended.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
