You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
