Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
