think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize