I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
