This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
