I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
