Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
