You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
