I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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