I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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