i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
