remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
