i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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