i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you will always have a special place in my vag
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize