How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
