You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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