I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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