Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
