sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
