you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
