I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
