Pants 0. Shit 1.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
