he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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