So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
