life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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