their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
