dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize