he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
