I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize