Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
