Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
