his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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