I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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