Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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