i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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