He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize