dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
