i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
