oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
