i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
