Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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