Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
